"I'm goin home, gonna load my shotgun, wait by the door and light a cigarette..."

Conversation with my Mother:

Me: Hey Mom.

Mom: Hi Honey.  How's it going?

Me: Pretty good.  I just got off the phone with the fertility clinic.  We are all set for the IUI next week.  I start the clomid tomorrow.

Mom: Good for you.  Now, don't forget, while you're inseminating, you need to really visualize the baby forming.  I mean, you really have to see it.  Cell by cell, implanting,  growing, developing.... I really think that it's your mind that's holding you back.

Me: Hmm... I dunno Mom.  I think it's the fact that my ovaries might not be producing good eggs that's holding me back.  Or the fact that our sperm is frozen.

Mom:  No.  Fertility is a state of mind.  It's in the bible.

Me: The bible says fertility is in my mind?

Mom: Yes, of course!  Why do you think that spot on your head is called your "temple?" Because that's where god is!  He's inside of you, not in some silly church!  He's in you... healing you...!  You probably wouldn't need clomid if you could just visualize god helping you conceive.

Me: Mom, I don't think my Dr. will appreciate it if I show up for my IUI and tell him that I skipped the clomid and licked some pages in my bible as an alternative.

Mom: Well, honey... it's up to you.

Me: Why don't you ask your toothpaste what it thinks?



Illnesses I May Have Contracted At Work Today:
Pink Eye
Hepatitis B
Tuberculosis
H1N1
Pneumonia

Names My Students Called Me:
The Mean Ms. Courtney
Magic Lady

Things I Should Try To Do This Cycle:
Less caffeine
More iron
Take vitamins every day
Go to bed before 11 PM

TTC When The World Is Out To Get Me Moments:
Pics of co-worker's brand new baby hanging in the hall outside my classroom
Working on the same floor as 3 pregnant women
Realizing that if it had worked the first time, I would be 5 months pregnant now

Reasons Why I Like My New Boss Way More Than The Last 3 Bosses That Have Worked Here:
She asked me "Will the clomid make you more wicked than usual?"
She told me I was likely to give birth to a mutant---awesome!