"All the people on the street, I hate you all."

Today was IUI part 2.  We got there at 8:30 AM, signed for our sperm and then went home for an hour while the sperm had a spa treatment.  We returned at 9:30 and then had to wait until 10:30 because, apparently, all the IUI rooms were filled.  Huh?  Whatever.

The Doc who performed the IUI was not nearly as gentle as the one we had yesterday.  As a result, I'm still cramping.... ugh.

I made an appointment to see a doctor about this cold.  It's not getting better and now I'm starting to cough up something that looks suspiciously like Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.

But, never mind all that.  Let me recount my dream from last night.

In my dream, I woke up and it was this morning.  I felt a stirring beside me and when I looked down, I found a newborn baby girl gazing up at me.  Instinctively, I knew she was mine.  However, I didn't remember giving birth or being pregnant.  I called to dream wife, who was in the bathroom, and said "honey, when did we have a baby?"

She answered, "Last night."

I was so confused but, really I didn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth...this baby was freakin adorable.    I inspected her tiny fingers and toes... she had my wife's fingernails and my thumbs.  That's when I realized that we still had an IUI scheduled.  I yelled to my wife, "Baby... what are we gonna do about the IUI?? We already have a baby! They're gonna think we're nuts!"

Her answer was "I dunno... just cancel it I guess..."

I was so freaked out that I called my mom (why did I think that was a good idea?).  She picked up the phone and I said "Hey mom it's me.  So, here's the thing.  We had a baby last night."

My mom started laughing.  "I knew you were lying to me about the infertility... I knew the whole time you were just trying to surprise me!"

"Mom," I said... "We weren't trying to surprise you... we had an IUI scheduled for this morning but somehow, I had a baby last night.  I don't even remember being pregnant!"

I guess she finally understood what I was saying because my mom started panicking and said "Oh god, this is terrible... great but terrible! Courtney, is the baby really soft and mushy?"

I poked at my infant daughter..."No mom.  She seems pretty firm."

This seemed to relieve my mom's anxiety.  "Oh, well, then things are fine.  I'm coming right over."

When my mom arrived, I let her in and she ran right over to the baby.  She and my wife were fussing away when, the doorbell rang.  I answered the door and it was a delivery guy holding a huge stack of gifts wrapped up in baby themed paper.  I asked who the gifts were from.  The delivery guy said nonchalantly, "Oh you know...a bunch of legal and political bigwigs... you know..."

I let him leave the packages in the hall.  Taking the smallest one, I walked into the kitchen where my wife and mother were attempting to give the baby a bath.  "Look, we got a bunch of presents."

I opened the little package.  Inside were a bunch of tiny socks and a card.  I opened the card and two bills fell out.  At first I thought they were 100 dollar bills but, I looked closer and realized that they were 55,000,000 dollar bills.  I gasped and said, "mom, are these real?"  She said "yeah... haven't you ever seen a fifty-five million dollar bill before?"

The message in the card said "Dear Family, congratulations.  Live well.  Love, your favorite supreme court judge, Steve Charles.

That's when I woke up.

Time to get out the old dream dictionary...


Update: I just got back from the Doc's.... and the verdict is.... upper respiratory infection.  Oh rapture.