"Where didja come from? Where didja go?"

I had my monitoring appointment today.  In an interesting turn of events, the ultrasound tech could not find my left ovary.  Seriously.  In a very fetish porn movie fashion, she was basically stirring my vagina with the dildo-cam trying to locate my rogue ovary and was unable to do so for almost 5 minutes.  5 minutes is a very long time when you're spread-eagle in a freezing room with a old lady swirling a shaft around your nether regions.  Finally, she used her elbow and squashed my bladder down and lo and behold, my ovary!  She rejoiced while I tried not to pee on the table.

By the way, it feels like I am carrying two large bunched of grapes around in my pelvis.  Billions of follicles.

What the hell is up with this font?  It's out of control!

Nevertheless, egg retrieval is scheduled for Friday at 11AM.  OMFG!

"Everybody dance now!"

I love American Fertility, so far.  My Own Fertility, I despise but that's clearly another story.

Today was CD 12 monitoring.  I'm going to brutally honest.  I am so sick of having cameras and various other equipment put in my vagina by people who have never even bought me a drink at the bar.  There was once a time, back when I was young, that I would be positively titillated by the prospect of having an older woman with a russian accent order me to undress and spread 'em while she lubed up phallic shaped instruments.  Now, after 9 months of failed cycles, the sexiest thing I can think of is going two whole weeks without having some part of my reproductive system photographed and measured.  Sigh.

Speaking of being measured, my lining is freakin' huge.  13 mm!  I gave myself a great big pat on the uterus when the tech told me that.  My follicles were massive as well.  Two follicles, both measuring over 20 mm each.  Tonight, we will do the ovidrel trigger and then, the IUI #4 is on thursday morning.

The best part?  We got to speak to the actual doctor to discuss the plan of action.  No waiting around for a phone call from a nurse, plenty of opportunities to express concerns and ask questions, no rude and dismissive answers.


The even bester part?  Next weekend, the Ripley's Believe It or Not fertility statues will be in Atlantic City!  Something like 2,000 women have gotten pregnant after touching those statues; many of whom were told they couldn't conceive.  June 6th I'll be all over that... literally!

PS-I'll be 27 next tuesday. I'm asking for two things.
1. A baby (duh)
2. That no loved ones (human or animal) be diagnosed with aggressive and fatal diseases on my birthday for the third year in a row.  Maybe this is selfish but, save it for June 9th, ok?  Thanks.

"And the seasons they go 'round and 'round and the painted ponies go up and down. We're captive on the carousel of time..."

Well, after an appointment with the dildo-cam, the numbers are in.  5 days of clomid resulted in 6 follicles. Yep, 6 big ass, juicy, lovely follicles.  This is good news.  Of course, this also means that there is the potential for 6 big ass, juicy, lovely fetuses.  That would be catastrophic.

After making us swear that we would be amenable to selective reduction if we somehow fertilize more than 2 eggs (trust me... we have no desire to be the next TLC debacle..."two lesbians plus 6!"), the doc set our IUI for this wednesday and thursday at 8:30 AM.

This means that at 8:30 tomorrow, my wife will have to shoot me in the leg.  With Ovidrel... not a .45...
My wife prepared for this challenge by watching some videos on YouTube.  How reassuring.

Holy Shit.  Holy holy holy shit.  And other stuff.  Yeah.  We're ready.... right?


Follicle Count:
2 that are 16mm-17mm
2 that are 15mm-16mm
at least 2 that are 12mm-15mm

Things My Wife Said:
"Don't worry...I watched some videos...I'm ready."
"All our future children in one shot... very efficient."

Secret Reasons For Wanting Kids:
My mom has all our old legos waiting for the first grandkid... literally hundreds of lego sets...  Mine!!
First dibs on airplane overhead storage...