"It just started quietly and grew..."

How long does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

My guess:
Approximately as long as it takes two Ovidrel 250's to leave my body.


Here's another one.

Question:
What does it mean if I tested BFN on saturday and sunday morning?  What does it mean if I tested BFP Sunday night, this morning and all afternoon?


Answer:
Time to take the tests away.


5dp5dt.

12dp trigger

10 months since I passed beyond the threshold of sanity.

"When I was younger, so much younger than today..."

One score and 7 years ago:

I was ripped from my 27 year old mother's womb a full month after my due date.  I was bone dry, having outlasted my amniotic fluid and the umbilical cord was wrapped snugly around my neck.  Also, I was 9lbs and jaundiced as hell.  As Vivaldi's "The Four Seasons" played in the operating room, my mother laid on the gurney smiling the sweet smile of new motherhood and epidurals while the doctor stitched her guts back in from the c-section.  A day later, she developed a staph infection.

But, we all survived and now 27 years later, I find myself going through my own struggle to reach motherhood the only difference being whereas my mother couldn't get the baby out, I can't seem to get the baby in.

Today is like, I dunno, a buncha DPO.  More than 4, less than 8.  I tested today because I knew I would get a strong positive due to the HCG trigger and I wanted to see two pink lines on my birthday... even if they are fake.

"It don't come easy, it's a game of give and take."

Today, I googled implantation bleeding and cramping to see if you can be pregnant without having either of them.  As it turns out, you can.  You can also be pregnant even if you don't have sore boobs, metal mouth, blue veins or any other symptoms.  

In fact, some women don't even believe that they are pregnant until the third month.  Stealth pregnancy.

I have not felt a single pregnancy symptom.  At 9 DPO, I would consider this month to be on the brink of failure.  However, we tested the trigger out yesterday.  It was pretty much gone last night and basically invisible this morning.  This afternoon, I decided to torture myself and test after work.  The test strip showed a pretty substantial pink line.  Stealth pregnancy?

No.  We went down this road last month when we were pregnant for all of three days.  

Crap.

My Brother is going to Alabama to look into buying a reptile business from the wife of it's deceased owner.

My Mother told me that she and my Dad have more money than they know what to do with.  

My youngest Aunt is turning 60 in June.

These are some other things I can think about.

"While you're wondering, 'how's this gonna end?', I only want it to begin..."

The clinic called and it's a go for IUI #2 tomorrow and Tuesday.  We will do the HCG trigger tonight at 9:00 and then have the inseminations at 8:30 on Mon. and Tues.   

I am having visions of building huge lego creations with my future son (or daughter)!

Please, please, please, please, let this one work!

"Tequila makes her clothes fall off..."

First, a trophy for my wife.  Despite my nervous ramblings, she was completely cool and calm when it came time to inject me last night.  It was like getting a shot from Shaft.  Plus she gave me an Elmo band-aid.

My cold continues to rage on.  My upper lip is visibly chapped now and has that leathery feel of tissue burn.  No Nyquil or Dayquil because it could harm our chances of conception but, we got the go ahead for some tylenol cold.  Not as good, but better then needing to install bilge pumps in my lungs.

Just for the record, Scientology is a complete crock and I dare anyone to say otherwise.

Back to the scheduled program.

Today was IUI part one.  Not much to report.  Stirrups, no pants, one woman between my legs and one caressing my hand, a good time was had by all.  My only complaint was that we had to go all the way up there, sign a piece of paper that said it was ok to thaw the sperm and then we had to wait for an hour while they took the sperm to the sauna at Bally's Total Fitness Center.

And we get to do it all again tomorrow!


No lists.

"Tomorrow is a busy day. We've got things to do; we've got eggs to lay."

I never ever thought that the above lyric would be applicable to my life... TTC is awesome!

It just figures that I'd be sick as a dog today.  Not that dogs are sick... unless, like, they are... where the hell did that one even come from?  Whatever.  I'm sick as a sick dog.  I've got the whole works: the sneezing, coughing, frog voice, aches, hot and cold flashes, raw nose and upper lip from the constant trickle of snot and a wad of paper towel plugging up each nostril.

God, I'm so gorgeous!

Of course, on the upside, I'm too busy trying not to drown in my own post-nasal drip to be all that worried about my wife sticking a needle in my thigh... which incidentally happens at precisely 8:30 PM tonight.

Ok... I lied.  Please god don't let her hit a bone or something!!!

Anyway, I am so glad to not be going to work for the next two days.  I'll miss my students but, I kind of want to set the rest of the staff on fire.

Please please please let this be it...


Handkerchiefs I Soaked:
4

How My Student Embarrassed Me:
By yelling "Feel better, sweetheart!" at me in a crowded elevator.

TTC Worries:
-That I will sneeze and expel the sperm from my uterus
-That I will spike a fever and cook the sperm once it's in me
-That my wife will make tentative jabs at me with the needle

Conclusion Of The Day:
The world is out to get me.