Hi. My name is Courtney. My DW and I have been TTC for 6 cycles. So far we have had nothing but BFN's with all of our ICI's. I have been using CBE OPK's and taking my BBT and I seem to O pretty regularly around CD 12-13. I have regular cycles and and 14 day LP followed by AF. Recently, I saw an RE to begin the IUI process. He ordered an HSG which was clear and a whole blood work-up. All my levels were normal except for my AMH which was in the toilet at .4 or something. We are praying it's not POF or DOR. On the bright side, my FSH was 4 and the U/S revealed at least 12 follies. We are doing frozen DI's so we have no need for a SA. This cycle will be our first IUI and we are using clomid and an HCG Trigger. Hopefully, there will be no OHSS. If my estimates are correct I will be 14DPO on march 25th and then I will test with a FRER. Until then, I probably won't be able to resist using some IC's...
Hmm... Should I blame the clomid?
Worst News Ever:
The possibility of the MTA cutting my x37 bus
Honest Truth:
I am really in no mood for these quaint little lists today.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
"I'm goin home, gonna load my shotgun, wait by the door and light a cigarette..."
Conversation with my Mother:
Me: Hey Mom.
Mom: Hi Honey. How's it going?
Me: Pretty good. I just got off the phone with the fertility clinic. We are all set for the IUI next week. I start the clomid tomorrow.
Mom: Good for you. Now, don't forget, while you're inseminating, you need to really visualize the baby forming. I mean, you really have to see it. Cell by cell, implanting, growing, developing.... I really think that it's your mind that's holding you back.
Me: Hmm... I dunno Mom. I think it's the fact that my ovaries might not be producing good eggs that's holding me back. Or the fact that our sperm is frozen.
Mom: No. Fertility is a state of mind. It's in the bible.
Me: The bible says fertility is in my mind?
Mom: Yes, of course! Why do you think that spot on your head is called your "temple?" Because that's where god is! He's inside of you, not in some silly church! He's in you... healing you...! You probably wouldn't need clomid if you could just visualize god helping you conceive.
Me: Mom, I don't think my Dr. will appreciate it if I show up for my IUI and tell him that I skipped the clomid and licked some pages in my bible as an alternative.
Mom: Well, honey... it's up to you.
Me: Why don't you ask your toothpaste what it thinks?
Illnesses I May Have Contracted At Work Today:
Pink Eye
Hepatitis B
Tuberculosis
H1N1
Pneumonia
Names My Students Called Me:
The Mean Ms. Courtney
Magic Lady
Things I Should Try To Do This Cycle:
Less caffeine
More iron
Take vitamins every day
Go to bed before 11 PM
TTC When The World Is Out To Get Me Moments:
Pics of co-worker's brand new baby hanging in the hall outside my classroom
Working on the same floor as 3 pregnant women
Realizing that if it had worked the first time, I would be 5 months pregnant now
Reasons Why I Like My New Boss Way More Than The Last 3 Bosses That Have Worked Here:
She asked me "Will the clomid make you more wicked than usual?"
She told me I was likely to give birth to a mutant---awesome!
Me: Hey Mom.
Mom: Hi Honey. How's it going?
Me: Pretty good. I just got off the phone with the fertility clinic. We are all set for the IUI next week. I start the clomid tomorrow.
Mom: Good for you. Now, don't forget, while you're inseminating, you need to really visualize the baby forming. I mean, you really have to see it. Cell by cell, implanting, growing, developing.... I really think that it's your mind that's holding you back.
Me: Hmm... I dunno Mom. I think it's the fact that my ovaries might not be producing good eggs that's holding me back. Or the fact that our sperm is frozen.
Mom: No. Fertility is a state of mind. It's in the bible.
Me: The bible says fertility is in my mind?
Mom: Yes, of course! Why do you think that spot on your head is called your "temple?" Because that's where god is! He's inside of you, not in some silly church! He's in you... healing you...! You probably wouldn't need clomid if you could just visualize god helping you conceive.
Me: Mom, I don't think my Dr. will appreciate it if I show up for my IUI and tell him that I skipped the clomid and licked some pages in my bible as an alternative.
Mom: Well, honey... it's up to you.
Me: Why don't you ask your toothpaste what it thinks?
Illnesses I May Have Contracted At Work Today:
Pink Eye
Hepatitis B
Tuberculosis
H1N1
Pneumonia
Names My Students Called Me:
The Mean Ms. Courtney
Magic Lady
Things I Should Try To Do This Cycle:
Less caffeine
More iron
Take vitamins every day
Go to bed before 11 PM
TTC When The World Is Out To Get Me Moments:
Pics of co-worker's brand new baby hanging in the hall outside my classroom
Working on the same floor as 3 pregnant women
Realizing that if it had worked the first time, I would be 5 months pregnant now
Reasons Why I Like My New Boss Way More Than The Last 3 Bosses That Have Worked Here:
She asked me "Will the clomid make you more wicked than usual?"
She told me I was likely to give birth to a mutant---awesome!
Monday, March 1, 2010
"People smile and tell me I'm the lucky one..."
Cycle 5 is officially over. My period even came early... eager little bitch. This one was especially tough though, I'm not sure why. It could be because, I was hoping so much the my recent HSG was going to somehow clear a path for sperm to meet egg. It could be because, my boobs were really sore this time. Hell, it could be because somewhere deep down, I really wanted to believe in my Mother's toothpaste-come-to-jesus confession. Whatever it was, the BFN hit pretty hard this time. It didn't help when my mother airily suggested that we just adopt... with the glibness of someone suggesting we just order chinese food instead of cooking dinner.
At my RE's office, they give the patients a little chart to take into the exam room for the nurse. It's basically a little summary of your treatment history, diagnosis and plan. At the bottom is a bunch of boxes with labeled with things like "tubal ligation reversal," "Male Factor Infertility," "Recurrent Miscarriage," "Luteal Phase Defect" and so on. Until recently, my chart never had a check mark next to any of those boxes. On my last visit, I discovered that I was finally given a check mark. It was there, next to the box labeled "Unspecified Infertility." Yep. I am an infertile of the "whothefuckevenknowswhy" variety.
So on deck we have our first Clomid cycle with HCG injection. The syringe is chilling in the fridge amongst the dairy spreads... every time I look in there, I ask myself what I want on my bagel... butter, cream cheese or 50 cc's of ovidrel.
Major Questions:
Should New York State be divided into two separate states at to be known as NY and Adirondack?
Why is my cat so dusty?
Why won't they just let Olivia Benson be a lesbian for god's sake?
Weird Product Names:
Volcanic Milk: Explodes with Flavor! (right because when dairy is nothing without lava and ash)
Mustard Seed: Grow your own mustard plant-Yeah, that mustard! (thanks for clearing that up...i thought you meant the other mustard..?)
New Job Dept.:
My wife is now the official "sperm coordinator"
Names My Students have Given Me:
Roach
Auntie C
Cheetah Woman
Hater
Courtney the Unfun and Uncool
At my RE's office, they give the patients a little chart to take into the exam room for the nurse. It's basically a little summary of your treatment history, diagnosis and plan. At the bottom is a bunch of boxes with labeled with things like "tubal ligation reversal," "Male Factor Infertility," "Recurrent Miscarriage," "Luteal Phase Defect" and so on. Until recently, my chart never had a check mark next to any of those boxes. On my last visit, I discovered that I was finally given a check mark. It was there, next to the box labeled "Unspecified Infertility." Yep. I am an infertile of the "whothefuckevenknowswhy" variety.
So on deck we have our first Clomid cycle with HCG injection. The syringe is chilling in the fridge amongst the dairy spreads... every time I look in there, I ask myself what I want on my bagel... butter, cream cheese or 50 cc's of ovidrel.
Major Questions:
Should New York State be divided into two separate states at to be known as NY and Adirondack?
Why is my cat so dusty?
Why won't they just let Olivia Benson be a lesbian for god's sake?
Weird Product Names:
Volcanic Milk: Explodes with Flavor! (right because when dairy is nothing without lava and ash)
Mustard Seed: Grow your own mustard plant-Yeah, that mustard! (thanks for clearing that up...i thought you meant the other mustard..?)
New Job Dept.:
My wife is now the official "sperm coordinator"
Names My Students have Given Me:
Roach
Auntie C
Cheetah Woman
Hater
Courtney the Unfun and Uncool
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
"Really love your peaches, wanna shake your tree..."
My mom's hygiene products have been silent today. I was hoping she'd call with an update from her q-tips or something... oh well.
9 DPO and so far, nothing. I read that animals can sense when a woman is pregnant and family pets have been known to act strangely when they sense a fetus growing. Naturally, I've been presenting my abdomen to all 4 cats for inspection for the last few days. I am assuming that if they sense a pregnancy, they will break out into Riverdance or something. As of today, all they do is look at me disdainfully.
My RE recommended no exercise during the two week wait. Fine by me.
Damn my cat snores loud. Sounds like trucks shifting on the highway. If my cat snores loud, am I pregnant?
Work Woes:
Audit in May
12 incoming consumers
Pipe Dream:
Long weekend in Puerto Rico in May
Places I Self-Groped Today:
x37 bus to Bay Ridge
Hale and Hearty Soup
Conference room
Awesome Work Moment:
Attacking my students with mud balls
9 DPO and so far, nothing. I read that animals can sense when a woman is pregnant and family pets have been known to act strangely when they sense a fetus growing. Naturally, I've been presenting my abdomen to all 4 cats for inspection for the last few days. I am assuming that if they sense a pregnancy, they will break out into Riverdance or something. As of today, all they do is look at me disdainfully.
My RE recommended no exercise during the two week wait. Fine by me.
Damn my cat snores loud. Sounds like trucks shifting on the highway. If my cat snores loud, am I pregnant?
Work Woes:
Audit in May
12 incoming consumers
Pipe Dream:
Long weekend in Puerto Rico in May
Places I Self-Groped Today:
x37 bus to Bay Ridge
Hale and Hearty Soup
Conference room
Awesome Work Moment:
Attacking my students with mud balls
Monday, February 22, 2010
"Make a joyful noise, my soul"
Conversation with my Mom:
Mom: Hi Honey! Hey, do you want Jacob's crib and changing table? Cynthia is getting rid of them.
Me: Um... for my cats?
Mom: No, stupid.... for the baby!
Me: Mom, there is no baby yet. Trust me, I will tell you as soon as there is even a hint of baby in me.
Mom: You don't have to tell me; I already know you're pregnant. I had a vision this morning.
Me: Have you considered medication?
Mom: No really!! I was brushing my teeth and suddenly I just saw a vision.... felt a vibe. Trust me. Your pregnancy woes are a thing of the past. You can cancel your IUI.
Me: You had a vision while brushing your teeth?
Mom: Yes, of course. I usually pray while brushing my teeth so I was in there, brushing and praying and this feeling came upon me and I just knew. You are totally pregnant.
Me: Well, I hope you don't take offense if I don't cancel my IUI because you share a spiritual bond with your colgate.
Mom: So do you want this crib and changing table?
Me: Sigh...
She's clearly ready for a room at bellevue but, wouldn't it be so funny to call up my RE and tell him I won't be needing an IUI because my mom's toothpaste told her I'm pregnant?
Weirdest Threat from a Student:
"I'm gonna put my cat on you like a dog."
Emotional Climate:
Bemused
Current Fears:
Rent increases
FMLA
The Prop. 8 Trial
Desert Wish:
Cookie from Zaros
Mom: Hi Honey! Hey, do you want Jacob's crib and changing table? Cynthia is getting rid of them.
Me: Um... for my cats?
Mom: No, stupid.... for the baby!
Me: Mom, there is no baby yet. Trust me, I will tell you as soon as there is even a hint of baby in me.
Mom: You don't have to tell me; I already know you're pregnant. I had a vision this morning.
Me: Have you considered medication?
Mom: No really!! I was brushing my teeth and suddenly I just saw a vision.... felt a vibe. Trust me. Your pregnancy woes are a thing of the past. You can cancel your IUI.
Me: You had a vision while brushing your teeth?
Mom: Yes, of course. I usually pray while brushing my teeth so I was in there, brushing and praying and this feeling came upon me and I just knew. You are totally pregnant.
Me: Well, I hope you don't take offense if I don't cancel my IUI because you share a spiritual bond with your colgate.
Mom: So do you want this crib and changing table?
Me: Sigh...
She's clearly ready for a room at bellevue but, wouldn't it be so funny to call up my RE and tell him I won't be needing an IUI because my mom's toothpaste told her I'm pregnant?
Weirdest Threat from a Student:
"I'm gonna put my cat on you like a dog."
Emotional Climate:
Bemused
Current Fears:
Rent increases
FMLA
The Prop. 8 Trial
Desert Wish:
Cookie from Zaros
Friday, February 19, 2010
I'm having mutations.
Today was step one in my "get a fucking social life!" plan. I spent a few hours hanging out with a friend whom I haven't seen in 96976 years.
I wish I could say it was awesome and we had a great time and that we plan on doing it again soon. Unfortunately, that would be a big fat lie.
The truth is more like this:
I had a great time and I hope it was awesome for her too and if I'm lucky, maybe we can hang out again someday.
I'm not normal.
I hope I didn't ramble too much come across as incoherent. I know that I used the word "wild" 4087606 times. Whatever... my vocabulary has to be rebuilt after nearly two years of speaking in monosyllables. Gah. Coming out of hibernation is fraught with peril.
In other news, another woman announced her pregnancy at work today. That brings the total up to: 2 newborns, one set of 3rd trimester triplets, one set of 2nd trimester twins and now a 1st trimester across the hall. How fucking Fab!
Meanwhile back in the serengeti that is my uterus, nothing much is going on. Not surprising at 5 DPO...I don't know why I'm expecting my IC pee test to reveal a lovely greeting from my blastocyst.
Le sigh.
Well, I'm glad that I had some human, non-work related, non-wife related social interaction. Hopefully, the post-visit paranoia and panic will be reduced with regular applications of "people cream."
Time Spent with Friend:
Approx. 2.5 hours
Time Spent Worrying that I Sounded like a Cretin
Approx. 3 hours
Number of Public, Self-Gropings:
36
Today's Idle Threat:
"I'm going to fire my reproductive endocrinologist!"
Statement of Dramatic, Self-Pity:
"Everyone is pregnant but me and life is not worth living!"
Emotional Climate:
I'm having mutations.
I wish I could say it was awesome and we had a great time and that we plan on doing it again soon. Unfortunately, that would be a big fat lie.
The truth is more like this:
I had a great time and I hope it was awesome for her too and if I'm lucky, maybe we can hang out again someday.
I'm not normal.
I hope I didn't ramble too much come across as incoherent. I know that I used the word "wild" 4087606 times. Whatever... my vocabulary has to be rebuilt after nearly two years of speaking in monosyllables. Gah. Coming out of hibernation is fraught with peril.
In other news, another woman announced her pregnancy at work today. That brings the total up to: 2 newborns, one set of 3rd trimester triplets, one set of 2nd trimester twins and now a 1st trimester across the hall. How fucking Fab!
Meanwhile back in the serengeti that is my uterus, nothing much is going on. Not surprising at 5 DPO...I don't know why I'm expecting my IC pee test to reveal a lovely greeting from my blastocyst.
Le sigh.
Well, I'm glad that I had some human, non-work related, non-wife related social interaction. Hopefully, the post-visit paranoia and panic will be reduced with regular applications of "people cream."
Time Spent with Friend:
Approx. 2.5 hours
Time Spent Worrying that I Sounded like a Cretin
Approx. 3 hours
Number of Public, Self-Gropings:
36
Today's Idle Threat:
"I'm going to fire my reproductive endocrinologist!"
Statement of Dramatic, Self-Pity:
"Everyone is pregnant but me and life is not worth living!"
Emotional Climate:
I'm having mutations.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Marilynn Monroe shoulda married Henry Miller
Today may or may not be 3 DPO. Surely, that means it's high time to start testing. In other news, my bellybutton feels weird. Clearly I'm pregnant. Also, I had cramps, my tongue looked red, my cat looked at me funny and I felt vaguely queasy when I scooped the litter box last night. Maybe I should buy a car seat this weekend.
I made my wife return the sperm tank tonight. She should experience some part of this madness. Thank god I have the day off tomorrow.
Today, one of my students asked if she could spend the weekend at my house. Was hysterical laughter the right response?
Minutes Exercised:
0
Emotional Climate:
Guilty with a chance of moping.
Current Paranoias:
-An all republican senate
-Rising sperm prices
-Premature menopause
-Bethesda never putting out another Elderscrolls game
New Vocabulary:
"Cerval Palsy"- damage to the brains of wild african cats before age 22
I made my wife return the sperm tank tonight. She should experience some part of this madness. Thank god I have the day off tomorrow.
Today, one of my students asked if she could spend the weekend at my house. Was hysterical laughter the right response?
Minutes Exercised:
0
Emotional Climate:
Guilty with a chance of moping.
Current Paranoias:
-An all republican senate
-Rising sperm prices
-Premature menopause
-Bethesda never putting out another Elderscrolls game
New Vocabulary:
"Cerval Palsy"- damage to the brains of wild african cats before age 22
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