"Ride that glory train!"

Yesterday, while walking back from the grocery store, my wife and I wound up discussing hell.  I have no comment about why the topic came up after being in the grocery store.  Anyway, she stated that she doesn't believe in hell.  I don't know why I never knew this about her... it seems like one of those questions that should be asked before marriage. 

 "Do you believe in eternal damnation?  You do?  Great, will you marry me?"  

Consequently, I was a bit shocked.  I asked "Well what do you think happens to all the assholes?" 

She said, "Nothing.  They just stop existing.  No spirit, no ghost... just gone."  

What the crap kind of punishment is that???  Seriously.  I do not think I could scrape myself out of bed in the morning if I didn't believe in a gruesome afterlife for the people who suck.  Because, it's not hard to be a good person.  Really, it's not.  In fact there are really only a few rules.  

-Don't hurt people/animals 

-Don't destroy stuff that's not your

-Don't take stuff that's not yours

-Don't be an asshole (this covers stuff like cutting in line, tailgating, honking the horn at red lights [?] stomping on hardwood floors while wearing high heels at midnight... you know... the stuff that makes you want to kill people...)

Basically, that's it.  So, if you can't even be bothered to follow those simple guidelines, there had better be a severe price to pay.  The assholes that I deal with on a day-to-day basis better have it coming.  I won't lie.  I love to fantasize about what's going to happen to these people after they die.  It really makes me smile.

When I said this to my wife, she ventured that maybe it's not healthy to expend so much emotional energy on the afterlives of people I hate.  

Is she fracking kidding??  I can think of no better way to make myself feel all warm and fuzzy.  In fact, I think I should be in charge of hell.  I could think of so many psyche-splintering punishments that would just glitter with razor sharp poetic justice.  And I've never even spit gum on the sidewalk.  Ever.  No hypocrisy at all.  That's what hell really needs at the helm.  A really honest, kind and good person with a dreadfully twisted mind.  Plus, who better to be in charge of hell then a lesbian?  

Is this why I can't get pregnant?