"Tomorrow is a busy day. We've got things to do; we've got eggs to lay."

I never ever thought that the above lyric would be applicable to my life... TTC is awesome!

It just figures that I'd be sick as a dog today.  Not that dogs are sick... unless, like, they are... where the hell did that one even come from?  Whatever.  I'm sick as a sick dog.  I've got the whole works: the sneezing, coughing, frog voice, aches, hot and cold flashes, raw nose and upper lip from the constant trickle of snot and a wad of paper towel plugging up each nostril.

God, I'm so gorgeous!

Of course, on the upside, I'm too busy trying not to drown in my own post-nasal drip to be all that worried about my wife sticking a needle in my thigh... which incidentally happens at precisely 8:30 PM tonight.

Ok... I lied.  Please god don't let her hit a bone or something!!!

Anyway, I am so glad to not be going to work for the next two days.  I'll miss my students but, I kind of want to set the rest of the staff on fire.

Please please please let this be it...


Handkerchiefs I Soaked:
4

How My Student Embarrassed Me:
By yelling "Feel better, sweetheart!" at me in a crowded elevator.

TTC Worries:
-That I will sneeze and expel the sperm from my uterus
-That I will spike a fever and cook the sperm once it's in me
-That my wife will make tentative jabs at me with the needle

Conclusion Of The Day:
The world is out to get me.

"And the seasons they go 'round and 'round and the painted ponies go up and down. We're captive on the carousel of time..."

Well, after an appointment with the dildo-cam, the numbers are in.  5 days of clomid resulted in 6 follicles. Yep, 6 big ass, juicy, lovely follicles.  This is good news.  Of course, this also means that there is the potential for 6 big ass, juicy, lovely fetuses.  That would be catastrophic.

After making us swear that we would be amenable to selective reduction if we somehow fertilize more than 2 eggs (trust me... we have no desire to be the next TLC debacle..."two lesbians plus 6!"), the doc set our IUI for this wednesday and thursday at 8:30 AM.

This means that at 8:30 tomorrow, my wife will have to shoot me in the leg.  With Ovidrel... not a .45...
My wife prepared for this challenge by watching some videos on YouTube.  How reassuring.

Holy Shit.  Holy holy holy shit.  And other stuff.  Yeah.  We're ready.... right?


Follicle Count:
2 that are 16mm-17mm
2 that are 15mm-16mm
at least 2 that are 12mm-15mm

Things My Wife Said:
"Don't worry...I watched some videos...I'm ready."
"All our future children in one shot... very efficient."

Secret Reasons For Wanting Kids:
My mom has all our old legos waiting for the first grandkid... literally hundreds of lego sets...  Mine!!
First dibs on airplane overhead storage...

"He wants a fight, well now he's got one. He ain't seen me crazy yet!"

So, today was much better.  No huge jangling ovary feelings.  I hate it when my ovaries feel jangled.

This morning, I asked my wife what would happen if, once we have a baby, we hate it... I felt relieved when she promptly answered, "give it away."  I love how we ride the same wavelength.

But, seriously, what if we are going through all this shit and we end up hating having a baby?  What if we regret the whole damn thing?  What if I go to prison for killing my upstairs neighbors?

What if I just get a grip?

In other news, I hate my job.  Really.  It's a deep, seething angry hatred with a vicious temper and red, rolling, savage eyes.  That being said, I love my students (with a few exceptions) beyond my wildest imaginations.  They are so incredibly funny and wicked and snarky.
They keep me on my toes (literally... those wheelchairs can be deadly!).  They don't accept any mediocrity on my part.  Truly, I have come to work and been yelled at by one of my students in a wheelchair because my desk was cluttered and he believed that a person who can use their arms and legs should keep their desk clean.

Bah.  It was a really interesting day at work and I am kind of obsessing about what it means to work at an agency that serves the disabled.  Perhaps I will delve into this at another time.


Things I Said To My Students:
"If you even think about sneaking out early, I'm going to put and electric fence in front of the door.
"We're taking a field trip to the rubber rooms at bellvue on monday."
"Next person who whines at me gets a free wheelchair ride down the stairs."
"Don't worry...I'm totally qualified to perform surgery on you."

Things My Students Said To Me:
"You're a funny fish-head!"
"Stop clicking your pen, it's really annoying!"
"I'm gonna beat you down in the parking lot at 3:00!" *The woman who said this is 4 feet tall, in a wheelchair and is on a pureed diet.  That's what I call, self-confidence!*

Ways I Would Like To Deal With Current Annoyances:
To the asshowler who has been honking his horn continuously for the last 10 minutes- I would love to strap you naked to the hood of your car, cut off your eyelids  and drive down the highway at 100 MPH, letting your skin melt off as the engine gets hotter and hotter.

To the shitheads upstairs who stomp around on the wood floors with heeled shoes literally at all hours of the day and night- I would like to tie you to chairs and strike your heads with a wooden bat at random intervals.  Then, I would like to set you on fire.

Current Emotional State:
Calm.  Very Calm.  Serene, even.

"Flowers of thy heart, oh god are they, let them not pass like weeds away..."

Clomid, day 2.

I'll admit that I tend to sway ever so slightly towards the overdramatic but, I'm being absolutely honest when I say that my ovaries feel like they must be the size of grapefruits.  Naturally, I'm freaking out.

I don't like this.  Nope nope nope.


I think maybe I'll call my mom.

I was stimming when I wrote this, forgive me if it goes astray...

Hi.  My name is Courtney. My DW and I have been TTC for 6 cycles.  So far we have had nothing but BFN's with all of our ICI's.  I have been using CBE OPK's and taking my BBT and I seem to O pretty regularly around CD 12-13.  I have regular cycles and and 14 day LP followed by AF.  Recently, I saw an RE to begin the IUI process.  He ordered an HSG which was clear and a whole blood work-up.  All my levels were normal except for my AMH which was in the toilet at .4 or something.  We are praying it's not POF or DOR.  On the bright side, my FSH was 4 and the U/S revealed at least 12 follies.  We are doing frozen DI's so we have no need for a SA.  This cycle will be our first IUI and we are using clomid and an HCG Trigger.  Hopefully, there will be no OHSS.  If my estimates are correct I will be 14DPO on march 25th and then I will test with a FRER.  Until then, I probably won't be able to resist using some IC's...


Hmm... Should I blame the clomid?

Worst News Ever:
The possibility of the MTA cutting my x37 bus

Honest Truth:
I am really in no mood for these quaint little lists today.

"I'm goin home, gonna load my shotgun, wait by the door and light a cigarette..."

Conversation with my Mother:

Me: Hey Mom.

Mom: Hi Honey.  How's it going?

Me: Pretty good.  I just got off the phone with the fertility clinic.  We are all set for the IUI next week.  I start the clomid tomorrow.

Mom: Good for you.  Now, don't forget, while you're inseminating, you need to really visualize the baby forming.  I mean, you really have to see it.  Cell by cell, implanting,  growing, developing.... I really think that it's your mind that's holding you back.

Me: Hmm... I dunno Mom.  I think it's the fact that my ovaries might not be producing good eggs that's holding me back.  Or the fact that our sperm is frozen.

Mom:  No.  Fertility is a state of mind.  It's in the bible.

Me: The bible says fertility is in my mind?

Mom: Yes, of course!  Why do you think that spot on your head is called your "temple?" Because that's where god is!  He's inside of you, not in some silly church!  He's in you... healing you...!  You probably wouldn't need clomid if you could just visualize god helping you conceive.

Me: Mom, I don't think my Dr. will appreciate it if I show up for my IUI and tell him that I skipped the clomid and licked some pages in my bible as an alternative.

Mom: Well, honey... it's up to you.

Me: Why don't you ask your toothpaste what it thinks?



Illnesses I May Have Contracted At Work Today:
Pink Eye
Hepatitis B
Tuberculosis
H1N1
Pneumonia

Names My Students Called Me:
The Mean Ms. Courtney
Magic Lady

Things I Should Try To Do This Cycle:
Less caffeine
More iron
Take vitamins every day
Go to bed before 11 PM

TTC When The World Is Out To Get Me Moments:
Pics of co-worker's brand new baby hanging in the hall outside my classroom
Working on the same floor as 3 pregnant women
Realizing that if it had worked the first time, I would be 5 months pregnant now

Reasons Why I Like My New Boss Way More Than The Last 3 Bosses That Have Worked Here:
She asked me "Will the clomid make you more wicked than usual?"
She told me I was likely to give birth to a mutant---awesome!

"People smile and tell me I'm the lucky one..."

Cycle 5 is officially over.  My period even came early... eager little bitch.  This one was especially tough though, I'm not sure why.  It could be because, I was hoping so much the my recent HSG was going to somehow clear a path for sperm to meet egg.  It could be because, my boobs were really sore this time. Hell, it could be because somewhere deep down, I really wanted to believe in my Mother's toothpaste-come-to-jesus confession.  Whatever it was, the BFN hit pretty hard this time.  It didn't help when my mother airily suggested that we just adopt... with the glibness of someone suggesting we just order chinese food instead of cooking dinner.

At my RE's office, they give the patients a little chart to take into the exam room for the nurse.  It's basically a little summary of your treatment history, diagnosis and plan.  At the bottom is a bunch of boxes with labeled with things like "tubal ligation reversal," "Male Factor Infertility," "Recurrent Miscarriage," "Luteal Phase Defect" and so on.  Until recently, my chart never had a check mark next to any of those boxes.  On my last visit, I discovered that I was finally given a check mark.  It was there, next to the box labeled "Unspecified Infertility."  Yep. I am an infertile of the "whothefuckevenknowswhy" variety.

So on deck we have our first Clomid cycle with HCG injection.  The syringe is chilling in the fridge amongst the dairy spreads... every time I look in there, I ask myself what I want on my bagel... butter, cream cheese or 50 cc's of ovidrel.

Major Questions:
Should New York State be divided into two separate states at to be known as NY and Adirondack?
Why is my cat so dusty?
Why won't they just let Olivia Benson be a lesbian for god's sake?

Weird Product Names:
Volcanic Milk: Explodes with Flavor! (right because when dairy is nothing without lava and ash)
Mustard Seed: Grow your own mustard plant-Yeah, that mustard! (thanks for clearing that up...i thought you meant the other mustard..?)


New Job Dept.:
My wife is now the official "sperm coordinator"

Names My Students have Given Me:
Roach
Auntie C
Cheetah Woman
Hater
Courtney the Unfun and Uncool